Written by Keith Shirey
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Monday, 13 January 2014

image for Screaming Yellow Zonkers Back To Boomer's Delight
'MAN, I'M ZONKED OUT!"

Now that Colorado has legalized pot, health food advocates and anti-obesity groups are holding their breaths.

"Will there be a huge weight increase in obesity in our state, Will we see a bunch of Fat Harries and Bertha Biggs running around Colorado? They already dominate Wal-Mart, will they do the same at Macy's," asked Naomi Klein of "Eat Smart."

One thing is sure: Screaming Yellow Zonkers are back. This was the food snack of choice for stoners in the 60's and 70's. It was a popcorn snack, which had a very sweet, sugary glaze over them.

The real draw of Screaming Yellow Zonkers was not what was inside, but what was on the outside: one of the most "wow, check that out man" brilliant packages ever. They were "totally far out" with all kinds of very cool illustrations and goofy sayings all over the box such as "How to Mate Your Zonkers."

Now, pothead boomers who ate them are crowding the aisles at stores buying them up by the hundreds of thousands.

"Man, they are just so much better than Poppycock and Cracker Jacks. I've been munching them ever since I couldn't get my Zonkers," said Alan Ginsberg, 63, of Denver who has never stopped smoking dope.

Said Sam "Bam" Cunningham, CEO of "Boomer Foods, Inc.," who took over the rights to purchase the snack food last year -which was discontinued in the '80's - said "my new Rolls looks just right in my driveway."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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