Written by Neil Levine

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Sunday, 29 October 2006

image for Madonna To Market Babies
Just A Little Extra Butter, Please

Skibo Castle, Scotland, U.K.---Reliable sources are reporting that Madonna Cicone Richie, once upon a time, many, many long years ago known as just plain old Madonna, as if there were something magical in her handling of the moniker, is planning to market babies.

Not just any old babies, but young, sweet, little new borns fresh out of the maternity ward and into her ever loving arms. It has been alleged that she has crooned to them, "Baby, I love you."

Towards that goal, Madonna has hired a top rated French advertising agency, a big name public relations agency and telemarketing experts with experience in selling new borns, all to make her dreams come true.

To quote Madonna, "I just love kids. I already have a crib room full, want more and am on the hunt for extra cute little kitties. Would you know where I can find some more sweet little darlings?"

She invites everyone interested to a guided group tour of her luxurious mansion and makes an extra effort to reach out some local solicitors, journalists and social workers, here, there and everywhere. She tells everyone, "There's a nursery here. There we have a romper room and here is a fully stocked children's cafeteria, where all my little darlings can pig out to their heart's delight. Just think of all the cash receipts we can churn out herewith."

After fixing her hair, Madonna stages a call to Angelina Jolie, well known for her movie star treatment of Maddox and Sahara and all the other little kids she can corral into watching her old movies. "Want to talk baby? How is it going?"

"Fine, fine. Watching 'Dick Tracy.' Next on tap is "Evita" and "Shanghai Surprise."

"Great I'll be dropping by. Lots of fond memories. Just so long as you keep the kids away from 'Lara Croft,' 'Hell's Kitchen' and 'Midnight Cowboy.' They're way too violent."

"No sweat. Just bring some extra butter for the pop corn and change for the vending machines."

"No problem. See ya. Love ya."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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