Written by Colorado Joe
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Monday, 6 January 2014

image for Electronics Giants to offer TV Screens With 3D, Smell, Transportation -- and Even Disaster -- in a Living Room Near You!
Electronics industries hope to flood local museums with outdated TV sets such as this one in the near future

LAS VEGAS-Unconfirmed reports indicate that Samsung, Panasonic, Sony and LG, not content with just bringing out television screens which are 105-inches wide, are planning to add three-dimensional vision in the near future, along with smell, taste and more.

While three-dimensional vision has been the Holy Grail of movie and television technology for decades-many recall the days when people watched movies in 3D while wearing cardboard glasses in order to get the full effect including the credits in their faces and the headaches and nausea-representatives at this years Consumer Electronics Show going on here say they hope to introduce a new type of 3D vision which would eliminate the need for cardboard glasses and more.

Moreover, in an attempt to put the legacy and reputation of the ill-fated Smell-o-vision to rest once and for good, representatives here say these new television sets will allow viewers in their living rooms, man caves, doctors' waiting rooms, BBQ grills and delis to enjoy the aroma of pretty flowers, chocolate truffles, fresh air and even burning leaves.

Many see practical benefits to this. For example, allergists like the idea of using the aromas to diagnose their patients' sensitivities. "We could root out pollen, animal dander, dust mites", noted Hayden Fevre, a local allergist who was at the show. "On the other hand, diagnosing food allergies might be a little difficult."

Dr. Fevre might not have to wait too long. Some industry executives have confirmed they are working on technologies which would allow viewers to literally access their favorite food items through the television screen and eat them on the spot. "Think about Willy Wonka's television room-put a candy bar in front of the camera and broadcast it-that's the basic idea," noted Meg A. Caster, an executive with Light-Speed Delivery, a startup company which hopes to take advantage of the new technology.

There are a few pitfalls, as was depicted with the fate of Mike Teavee in Roald Dahl's classic story featuring Wonka and his chocolate factory. "I fear that even with plenty of warning labels in English, Chinese, international symbols, Spanish, German, French and all the other languages, along with protection filters and other technology someone is going to get hurt, folded, bended, shrunk or otherwise mutilated," noted C. Lassy Acton, a prominent consumer-rights attorney. "Do the electronics people know what they're getting into?"

Action noted that she was more concerned with some of Hollywood's plans for the 3D-, aroma-, tasteo- and in-your-face vision formats which the electronics industry is considering. "If viewers who watch Jaws 3D-In-Your-Lap lose a leg or even their life to one of those great white sharks in the screen, we're gonna sue the movie producers and the electronics people," Acton declared. "That will especially be the case if we get sued by a viewers of The Poseidon Adventure who claim their man cave was turned upside down or was ruined by a flash flood which was blasted into their faces from the TV sets."

Yet the electronics is seemingly not too concerned, emphasizing the positive aspects, in the words of at least representative. "With the ability to deliver goods via television-at the speed of light--we could eliminate the U. S. Postal Service-they'd better watch out. So should Amazon and FedEx," declared Caster. "In fact one of these days we will be able to take passengers around the world in less than a second and to the planet Pluto in less time than it takes to get from New York to Hawaii. The airlines will go the way of the covered wagon!! Take that United and Hawaiian!!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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