Written by Neil Levine
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Friday, 27 October 2006

image for Tom Cruise Announces Merger With Katie Holmes
Jumping For Joy - Business Is So Good

The Little Wedding Chapel On The Corner, Las Vegas, Nevada and Scientology Headquarters, Scientology, California---Latest reports are that Tom Cruise has proposed a marriage merger with Katie "The Cutie" Holmes, mother of his latest scientifically conceived child.

Tom, his usual all business self, is making sure all the petty details of this Hollywood mega merger are taken care of in grand style: photo ops, contract talks, paid interviews, endorsements, lease details, scripts and the like.

"No detail is too small or issue too big to make publicity over," he has said.

"We will follow a Scientific Christian script. No hand holding. Handlers for public relations. No slip ups."

Tom has reportedly made very sure paparazzi get every opportunity to film his little one. "Spare no expense," he has told the free lance photographers.

"I intend to keep separate agents, bank accounts and sofas, but intend to share my lunch counter with Katie and the kids. We are going to maintain a tight family formation at all times and not risk any random incidents. The show format will be PG all the way."

"We will be investing in bonds, gilt edge securities and interest bearing annuities. We're planning a gorgeous formal ceremony sparing nobody?s feeling and making sure the cake can be smudged and has traces of Vanilla Sky."

He ends up jumping up and down on a bed. "Time for my next feature. See you at the multiplex."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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