Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 18 December 2013

image for Walmart Removes All of Their Megyn Kelly Bobblehead Dolls From Their Shelves
A closeup of Megyn Kelly's hair. (Photo provided by Rico Chorizo).

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - Walmart, the largest retail chain in the entire world, has just made it known that it does not take kindly to anyone attacking the sanctity of Christmas or Santa Claus.

Walmart spokeswoman Kimberley Silverlace stated that the retail giant was simply appalled at the nerve of FOX reporter Megyn Kelly, 43, having the unmitigated audacity to say to a nationwide audience that Santa Claus is white.

Ms. Silverlace said that if Ms. Kelly believes that, then it is her right to do so, but she crossed the Christmas shopping line when she made that comment over the national airwaves.

Even well-respected individuals like Barbara Walters, Khloe Kardashian, Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest and Charlie Sheen have stated that Kelly needs to make an apology and not just one of those throw-away non-apologies where the guilty party says, "I'm sorry if someone took it wrong."

In the meantime, Walmart has stated that they will be removing every Megyn Kelly Bobblehead Doll from their shelves.

SIDENOTE: Megyn was contacted by National Focus Magazine and asked if she plans on issuing an apology. The dishwater blonde replied, "I will never, ever issue an apology because Santa Claus is white just like Aunt Jemina is black so everybody needs to get over it and leave me the heck alone because I am very pretty and I never make mistakes."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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