Written by IainB
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Monday, 9 December 2013

image for Sparks and Mensa launch a new range of Tickle Bras
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Sparks and Mensa, the store where people with more brains than money shop (distinguishing it from other department stores, where the opposite is true), has unveiled it's latest lingerie range that is sure to have women (and men!) reaching for their chequebooks, putting them away and reaching for the Chip and PIN instead.

"We're over the moon," said Louise Tickle, who designed the Tickle Bras. "To have a chance to see your product reach the shelves of such a prestigious, and intelligent, department store is a dream come true."

What has got the fashion industry hot under the collar is that these are the first bras designed with the modern woman (and man!) in mind.

"What people notice first of all," said Tickle, "are the pockets."

The bras have two pockets cleverly integrated into the shoulder straps. On the left is a mobile phone pocket, and on the right a small pocket for carrying a bit of cash.

"We'd noticed that a lot of women were tucking their phones and cash into their straps," said Tickle. "So we thought, why not put pockets there."

The phone pocket is detachable, and can be replaced by a range of pockets suitable for almost any phone.

"Except the iPhone," said Tickle. "Apple wouldn't give us permission, saying that they wanted to patent the idea and sue us for millions."

But there is more to the bra than merely holding boobies and phones and cash.

"We have a unique gel in the lining of the bra," said Tickle. "Using an app on an Android phone, you can control the temperature of the bra. Either have a gentle warming on a cold day, or slight cooling on a warm one."

For similar reasons to there being no iPhone pocket, there is no iPhone app.

Jevon Sobs, patent lawyer for Apple explained: "This will be our idea," he said. "How dare Tickle Bras get there first? We'll sue."

The new bras are available in a range of styles from Balcony to Razorback, and in a variety of colours. Sparks and Mensa will be running an ad campaign showing a largest chested woman (or man!) wearing only a Tickle Bra, whilst their phone receives a call whilst on vibrate.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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