Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

image for Some Black Friday Shoppers Don't Pussy Foot Around
Officer Dwayne Peckashevski (R) works as a motorcycle cop in the Bronx.

NEW YORK CITY - An NYPD policeman said that he has been a police officer for 14 years.

Officer Dwayne Peckashevski, 39, said that he has been working security on Black Friday at various department stores for the past 10 years and he has never seen it as bad as it was this year.

He spoke with American Spotlight Magazine and said that he was assigned to work security at a Walmart in the Bronx.

Peckashevski said that the crowd started forming a line at 12:01 a.m. on Wednesday night.

He told ASM reporter Cutter Shiloh that he was armed with a .357 Magnum pistol, a can of pepper spray, and a taser gun.

Once the store doors opened on Black Friday he commented that it looked like the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.

He said that grandmothers were falling down and younger shoppers were actually hurdling over them to get to the specials.

He noted that he even saw a man who appeared to be about 6-foot-8-inches tall physically grab a woman who was carrying a new born baby and threaten to body slam her on top of a sofa bed.

Luckily for the woman and her baby Peckashevski stepped in and pointed his .357 Magnum at the guys nose and told him to set the woman and her baby down slow and easy.

He did as he was told and then he was handcuffed and led away.

Officer Peckashevski said that about 12 minutes later he noticed that a man had something that was sticking out of the back of his pants.

As he closed in on the man, he saw that he was carrying a mini-grenade launcher in his boxer shorts.

Peckashevski said he wasted no time with this nut job and he immediately pepper sprayed him and then tasered him.

SIDENOTE: Officer Dwayne Peckashevski said that this is going to be the last time he works on Black Friday because he's afraid that next year, he may end up shooting some dumbass jerk.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 4?

2 15 16 8

Go to top