Lots of folks are ecstatic that Twitter is now a publicly traded company. But not the Twitter birdies!
Word is that they were much happier when the company was a private one, filled with relaxed-looking workers in jeans and T shirts. Now, for the most part, the halls of Twitter are filled with stuffy and obnoxious Wall Street types. According to a birdie who wishes to remain anonymous, "No matter if these characters are guys or gals, they're all dressed in severe suits reflecting their boring business personalities."
The Twitter birdies have been ordered to wear glasses (to make them look more scholarly) and carry their tweets in Wall Street style attache cases. On-the-job eating and pooping are now strictly forbidden.
Specialists in mergers and acquisitions, the new bosses have accomplished a complete takeover of the Twitter Birdies Lounge. Sadly, the birds have been chased out the door, so that the financial folks can lay out their spreadsheets and have long meetings about increasing company profits.
Things can't continue as is, according to confidential sources at Twitter. The Spoof has learned that secret plans are now underway for a one-day work stoppage (the date will be a surprise!), right in the middle of the holiday season.
"We won't be decking the halls with boughs of holly, that's for sure," said chief birdie Bill Twitter, president of the Twitter Birdies Labor Union, continuing, "we'll be causing as much chaos as we can for the scrooges who have no idea of how to motivate employees to do their best possible work."
The Spoof will keep you apprised of breaking developments in this situation. But here's an early warning: don't expect your holiday tweets to arrive on time. If, that is, they arrive at all.
A merry little Christmas at Twitter? Fuhgeddaboudit!