Written by Tony Bagodonutz
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Monday, 30 September 2013

Starbucks public spokesman Anselmo Java recently made a statement to the press regarding the company's stance regarding possession of firearms in any of their establishments.

"The only shots we want to hear being fired off in our stores are shots of espresso, ha ha," Mr. Java stated.

Java went on to say, "We understand that there are certain circumstances where it is ok and even appropriate to carry a firearm. We also understand that in most places guns are totally welcome and even expected. As an organization though, we are a bit leery of this element being brought into venues where copious amounts of caffeine are sold. People get a little jittery. The combination could have adverse consequences."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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