Maclean, Virginia - In a hastily assembled press conference given at the manufacturers of the popular M&Ms and other chocolate treats, a spokesman for the candy giant announced they would not be renewing the Brown M&M's contract. This development is in direct response to the allegations that Brown M&M is a suspect in the now infamous Red M&M murder.
This statement has been issued, "While we believe that Brown M&M is innocent until proven guilty, we have chosen to hire a new Brown M&M as we move past the tragic demise of our beloved Red M&M. Many of us have been unable to deal with the grief of losing Red M&M and we feel that we all need to start with a fresh slate."
The video evidence in the case is overwhelming. The commercial featuring Brown M&M delivering Red M&M into the hands of her accomplice, Miss Tiffany Dozer, was first aired during this year's Super Bowl. The video clearly shows Brown M&M introducing Red M&M to Miss Dozer, who authorities now believe is the infamous Candyland Serial Killer.
Miss Tiffany Dozer is now believed to have murdered more than a dozen candy icons including Oh Henry, Baby Ruth and The Three Musketeers. Now, Red M&M has been added to that list.
According to authorities, Brown M&M was an accomplice of Miss Dozer, having first met in confectionary school. Many believe that Brown M&M was responsible for a three alarm fire at the Willie Wonka factory in Hoboken. She was later acquitted of charges of arson.
The now infamous "Devour" video, seen by thousands around the world, clearly shows Brown M&M at a party being thrown in the Beverly Hills home of Choo Choo Charley of Good and Plenty fame. Miss Dozer is also clearly seen in a red wig and tiger print dress. Later in the video, Red M&M is seen being dragged away from the party after Brown M&M has introduced him to Miss Dozer. The next day, Red M&M was found half eaten in a Sunset Boulevard hotel.
Unfortunately, it was his top half making it impossible to revive the beloved candy mascot.
Lawyers for Brown M&M had no comment at the time of publication.