Written by IainB

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Friday, 13 September 2013

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Hedge Trimmers are between 34 and 55, if you can find them, you can make your own maze

Sparks and Mensa, the high street department store for the highly intelligent has made a move to ensure that only those intelligentsia will be using their stores in future by changing the layout of the stores.

"The traditional approach to stores," said Windsor S&M manager, Nick Legg, "is to layout the shelves in aisles, long straight rows with helpful numbers and labels above the rows of shelves."

Sparks and Mensa have decided that this allows the less intelligent to take advantage of the stores innovative and imaginative product range at reasonable prices.

"Stupid people are buying our goods," said Legg. "This cannot be tolerated."

Instead of the traditional aisles, Sparks and Mensa will be arranging their store as a maze.

"We got the idea after visiting the Hampton Court Maze," said Legg. "After moving the aisles around, we have created our very own maze, with the cash tills at the centre."

It's not a maze that is designed to cause confusion, as a store guide is available.

"We've done the store guide using the Fibonacci Sequence," said Legg. "And a simple cypher. Obviously, only clever people will be able to find what they want to buy, and then find the cash till. This is our ultimate aim."

There has been an unexpected side effect with the new maze, in that the stores have now had to employ search and rescue personnel to rescue lost shoppers, after searching for the, obviously.

"Each night before we close, we have to ensure everybody made it out," said Legg. "And we do have a problem with staff requiring the lavatory, as at straight run, it takes at least ten minutes from anywhere in the store to the lavs."

The final obstacle in Sparks and Mensa's attempt to create an obstacle for the less intelligent is Ikea.

"We have patented the maze in a store," said Stefan Simonsson, head of maze design at Ikea. "And Sparks and Mensa are infringing that patent."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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