Written by Moe Nightwalker
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Wednesday, 11 September 2013

image for Apple Press Event: Untucked Shirts Vital To Company's Innovation, Other Stuff Less So

CUPERTINO- Tech giant Apple held their latest press event today to demonstrate their slightly updated devices and to lay out the company's future technology path. CEO Tim Cook, looking like he was working on a weekend, took the first 30 minutes of the morning to explain Apple's key to their innovation strategy.

Mr. Cook said, "Here at Apple, we embrace elegant designs, simple interfaces, and integrated systems. As we continue to innovate and develop new products, we cannot forget what got us here - untucked shirts! Ok, and also untucked mock turtlenecks, mostly in dark colors, worn with skinny jeans. But always untucked! We will never abandon untucked shirts!"

The presentation then moved to the "What You Still Don't Need" phase, where CEO Cook made some promises to customers. He explained, "We don't think any customer ever needs to replace a battery or expand their storage capacity on our devices. They're perfect as we build them. We promise to never make our customers deal with those headaches. They can just buy a new device. Oh, and we also promise to never use an industry standard charging connection, like that silly micro USB."

The CEO received a 10 minute standing ovation. Various Apple executives then came out with all varieties of untucked shirts to reveal the new operating system features and hardware platforms.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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