Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Wednesday, 28 August 2013

image for Rupert al-Murdock to Launch Al Foxeera

Rupert al-Murdock today announced his newest venture in cable news--a network he is calling Al Foxeera. Al-Murdock is naming Roger Al-Ailes, who is currently president of FOX News, to head up the media venture.

Said Al-Murdock: "We hope to present a whole new view of the Middle East and its relation to the United States, one unbiased by many of the Christian bigots who host FOX News and its many fine programs."

Asked what issues the new network would be covering, Al-Murdock deferred to Al-Ailes, who ticked off just a couple of the issues: "One, we'll be covering the dismaying spread of Old Testament or Pentecostal Law in the United States. These laws are, alarmingly, on the rise in many rural areas.

"For example, citing Deuteronomy 23:1 ('He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.'), the city of Horse's Rump, TN is now prohibiting any man who's lost his nuts from attending church. How crazy is that?

"Two, we'll continue to cover Benghazi of course. In fact, I expect we'll be covering Benghazi for at least the next decade or two. Or at least until our audience grows tired of it or dies off."

Mike Huckabee, citing the grave threat Islamists like Al-Murdock and Al-Ailes pose to the stability of God-fearing nations like the United States, spoke out against Al Foxeera on his widely broadcast program, The Huckster Speaks. Huckabee vented: "Al-Murdock and Al-Ailes are going to undermine the kind of God-fearing laws that have made America second only to Iran as a theocracy!"

Replied Al-Ailes--who once reputedly said, "I've been kicked out of every damn church I've ever belonged to"--"Mike's ranting is what keeps FOX News demographically relevant for the 65-and-up viewers. Let him rant!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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