Written by Billy Brownstone
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Topics: business, carbon

Thursday, 5 October 2006

image for The Deadly Serious Business of Destructives
George Bush rings the opening bell for the new Destructives Exchange.

We're all familiar with the whirlwind trading of stocks and bonds, and maybe you've even dabbled in options, commodities and derivatives. You may have heard of the new Carbon Exchange, for the trading of pollutants, but hold on tight because here comes the latest in the bustling business of exchange trading. The Destructives Exchange is ready for launch.

Ever wonder what happened to Sadam Hussein's missing WMD's? Perhaps we need look no further than the new Destructives Exchange where the trading of the weapons of war will soon open in an undisclosed location. The exchange, the brainchild of Coalition of the Willing top government leaders, will deal in the buying and selling of traditional weapons such as ammunition, armaments and battle readied transport, all the way up to tanks and ballistic missiles. A secondary market will trade in WMD's and high-tech precision weapon systems, including aircraft, guided missiles, surveillance systems, and other biological, nuclear and otherwise classified systems. A unique time-share commodity will be offered for the purchase and trading of systems time usage for such things as satellite surveillance and communications interception. Purchase of Destructives is, of course, a highly regulated market, and participants must be licensed and adhere to all existing local and international trade laws.

"The Destructives Exchange was created to be a road to peace," according U.S. Marine Colonel Victor Hall, Commandant President of the exchange. "Our mission is to get WMD's away from terrorists and ensure they are safely held in the protective hands of responsible world leaders," says Hall. To help accomplish this, profits from the exchange will be funneled into the purchase of unlicensed and illegal conventional weapons and WMD's from rogue nations and warlords, where they will be traded on the exchange to legitimate buyers or destroyed for the good of humanity.

Opening bell is set to ring at 10:20 AM EST on Friday, October 13, 2006. First item up will be 100 retired U.S. Cruise Missiles, anticipated to sell for as much as US$10 million dollars each. All transactions are cash-only with a no-returns, no-exchange policy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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