Written by Herr Riballs
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Sunday, 25 August 2013

image for Budget Airline Set To Charge By Bodyweight

Budget airlines Flyinair may no longer be considered 'budget' as it is set to outline a new pricing structure.

From April 2014, fares will be determined by the weight of the passenger.

Dietician, Anna Recksick, agrees with the moves. She argues "Why should fatties with no willpower cash in ? Throw the book at them and hit them where it hurts - in the pocket. Of their elasticated jogging bottoms from Ethel Austin" she added.

Paraplegic, Scott Mobility-Scooter ,64, welcomed the news. He said " My lack of legs is a blessing in disguise as it now means cheap flights. And if I hack my own arms off that means even bigger savings" said the 2 stone dwarf from Preston.

Airline supremo, Larry O'Michael said "The plan is to charge passengers extra for not just excess timber they carry but also personal items such as their head. Big headed passengers will have to cough up for their smaller headed counterparts. A charge per head if you like."

It's not all bad news, however, as passengers can reduce the weight of their heads by having them shaved before checking in. Other cost saving ideas include the removal of head scarfs, hats and any earrings or facial hair. In addition travellers could consider removing their ears or even decapitating themselves to dispense with body weight. That way a head can travel cheaply although it is understood Flyinair will use ground staff to charge armless passengers to carry any luggage onboard.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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