Written by Moe Nightwalker
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Thursday, 15 August 2013

image for HR admits to playing games with resumes

After years of struggling to find a job, seekers are now learning that the entire process is a game played by Human Resource managers throughout the country.

"Employees have played 'Biz Lingo Bingo' for years. This is just our version." explains Ray Shiavo of Aberdeen PG, Inc.

Decades ago, employees started creating bingo cards with trendy business terms and checking off the terms during meetings and presentations. During the recent recession, HR offices became overwhelmed with resumes. They took the bingo idea to heart and used it to select applicants, thereby saving hours of work reading resumes. 

The online application systems allow HR to pick a word and search all resumes for it, marking each resume. Then they pick another word and search again. Just like in Bingo, the first resume to match 5 words gets selected for an interview.

"We used to use 'prolific', 'customer', 'innovative', 'motivated', 'change agent', 'evangelist', 'self-starter' and 'spearheaded' but these words didn't filter out any resumes. 'Synergy' is also reaching that level. Most HR offices are struggling to find new words. It keeps us on our toes." says Cathy Bert of Dil & Bert, Inc.

Some HR offices have added a numbers game for positions that receive very few resumes. HR managers add up all the numbers in a resume. The resume with the highest total wins a an interview. It's all fun and games! 

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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