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Thursday, 1 August 2013

Ever since President Ronald Reagan busted the air-traffic controllers' union, organized labor has been on the decline. Now, that trend has begun to change with the formation of the 'Fortune 500 Executive Leader's Union'.

The fledgling union has already signed up 126 C.E.O.s of major corporations who are demanding compensation more closely aligned with that of their higher-paid peers.

"Listen," said QuackMed C.E.O. and union founder Tom Foolry, "Lloyd Blankfein got over 70 million in total compensation last year and the government had to bail out his business with 10 billion in taxpayer money. I only got 9.6 million last year even though my company almost made a profit. Now, do you call that fair? Us little guys have to stick together to get what we deserve."

Some pension fund managers and other critics of the new union complain that top executives are already overpaid and charge that stacked corporate boards collude with corporate execs to their mutual benefit, denying shareholders the proper earnings on their investments.

Other critics cite the extreme disparity already evident between top executive pay and average employee earnings. As an example, they point to McDonald's executive James Skinner, who pulled in 27.7 million in total compensation last year while the average employee there earned $18,500.

Meanwhile, un-unionized McDonald's employees have recently been demonstrating for a living wage. Rumor has it that the U.S. Congress is set to pass a law prohibiting these workers from disrupting the orderly business of the fast-food giant.

(WARNING: some facts in this article may be true. Readers are advised to exercise blithe ignorance.)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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