President Obama is expected to announce actor Nicolas Cage as the new chairman of the Federal Reserve System later today in Washington.
Current Fed chairman Ben Bernanke is stepping down, and will likely accept a lucrative position with one of the big Wall Street firms that is currently doing something immoral, and probably illegal, with unregulated financial instruments that no one really understands.
Mr. Cage, one of Hollywood's most prolific actors, has had a history of personal financial troubles and tax issues with the government. Obama says this will give Cage a "unique perspective on our banking system and its relationship with the economy. Plus, we're taking his back taxes out of his paycheck. Nick said he's cool with that."
Commenting on his new job, Cage said, "I've never turned down a job in my life, acting or otherwise. When the President called, I knew I had to take this."
Congressional confirmation of Cage is expected to be swift, as gift bags with "National Treasure" and "Ghost Rider" DVDs have been placed under each desk in both the House and Senate.
Fox News commentator Sarah Palin asked to be reminded again what the Federal Reserve System does, and then launched into a speech about how we need to take back this country from the socialists.
In a separate announcement, Wesley Snipes has accepted the position of IRS Commissioner.