Written by joseph k winter
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Tuesday, 23 July 2013

image for Goldmine Sacks Holds Record Amounts of Pipeline in Storage
Goldmine Sacks CEO reports Wall Street "gleeful and breathless" at the new opportunities

Just revealed, the Wall Street banking firm Goldmine Sacks has rented up new warehouse storage in the range of trillions of square feet. The purpose is to hold miles of pipeline in abeyance and readiness, depending on need for implementation in upcoming months and years.

Just how much and how large was indicated by a Goldmine Sacks CEO (requesting anonymity) who stated that "for fun" he had entered a large pipe in one of the company warehouses and spent months wandering through it.

During that time he found "whole communities of pipeline manufacturing workers" living inside the pipes they had created (which are roomy although dark) because it was "cheaper and the rent lower."

Pipeline manufacturers such as Oil and Gas Pipelines R Us ("finest pipelines on this or any other planet") have been quietly turning out enormous quantities of pipe for carrying oil and gas. These are designed to extend across continents and under seas in the pipeline contests and associated wars occurring across the planet.

These new endeavors with pipelines are inspired by the Canadian XL Tar Sands Pipeline project and similar projects in the middle east, such as the one lying in the background of the war in Syria. A developing Syria-Iraq-Iran pipeline bound for Europe is related to ongoing contests in the resource wars.

Questioned on this relevance, US State Department officials (who insisted on anonymity) indicated an allied pipeline might be preferred.

However, they insisted, this possible improvement has nothing to do with why the US has said "Assad must go" and supports aid to the rebels, even though the rebels are mostly militant jihadists now fighting amongst themselves.

"No, we're over there fighting for democracy," these officials said.

Nevertheless, in the business of pipeline manufacture and storage, Goldmine Sacks hopes to emulate the Wall Street company Goldman Sachs which has just been revealed as hoarding aluminum in order to keep the price of the metal high.

In what has been described as nearly a "fever" of admiration and plans to emulate the same principle of "hoard while you can," Goldmine Sacks is putting its hands on every bit of pipeline it can muster, while encouraging pipeline manufacturers to accelerate manufacturing shifts to 24/7.

This increased industry has factories blazing with light and activity, and is having an effect on Big Pharma research and development companies working up new drugs which will eliminate the human need for sleep.

New sleep-eliminating drugs would provide a boon for manufacturing workers (especially in countries with low worker salaries who could work longer), and for the military in boots-on-the-ground situations.

Wall Street overall is reported "gleeful and breathless" at these new opportunities.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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