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Wednesday, 26 June 2013

MIAMI, FL - Booger King spokesman Stanley Snodgrass announced the fast-food giant's introduction of a new menu item that will be offered only at franchises in beach and summer resorts.

"It's a little risqué," Snodgrass confessed. "The buns are shaped like--well, ladies' buns."

The product, which has been dubbed "Bun Burger," may be new, but the idea behind it is as old as humanity: sex sells. "Although Bun Burgers may be a little sexist," Snodgrass told me, "it's intended as harmless fun."

The idea for Bun Burgers occurred to Booger King CEO Daniel Schwartz when he happened to catch his secretary, Cynthia Howard, photocopying her bare buttocks during an office prank. Some executives would have fired an employee for such an act, but Schwartz, ever the entrepreneur, saw an opportunity in the resulting photocopy. "Cynthia's ass cheeks inspired him," Snodgrass admitted, "and they inspired Bun Burger as well."

Initially, the company considered calling its new food item "Bikini Burger," but bikinis really had nothing to do with the concept, the company's spokesman said, and, upon further reflection, the name Bun Burger was considered perfect.

According to Snodgrass, "Cynthia, or Cyn, as we call her at Booger King, received a stiff raise for having inspired the CEO. She was also promoted to Vice-President in Charge of New Product Development, and, as such, she will be promoting Bun Burger by exhibiting the inspiration--or inspirations, since there are actually two of them--around the country. She'll be wearing a tasteful thong bikini with the Booger King logo on the bra."

Ms. Howard is "a looker," Snodgrass said. "After all, Mr. Schwartz didn't hire her for her secretarial skills."

The new food item is expected to appear on menus in Miami, Virginia Beach, Atlantic City, San Diego, and Los Angeles in 2105, and Las Vegas franchises have petitioned for permission to sell the new burger on the grounds that, although the city lacks a beach, it may be considered a "summer resort." In addition, its nickname, Sin City, might help to promote Bun Burger.

Booger King's chief rival, McDonald's regards the burger as "distasteful and possibly sexist."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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