DISNEYWORLD, FL - Now that obesity has been declared a disease, Disney World is reopening its Habit heroes exhibit. The "innovention" was closed down, supposedly for "repairs," after parents and educators alike condemned the attraction for "shaming" fat kids.
Co-sponsored by Blue Cross Blue Shield, the exhibit used characters named Callie Stenics, Sweet Tooth, Lead Bottom, and The Snacker to humiliate overweight boys and girls. Parents called the idea "disgusting," and health and physical education teachers described it as "asinine."
That was then, though, and this is now.
Since Disney World shut down the insulting exhibit, the American Medical Association (AMA) decided to put the question as to whether obesity should be considered a disease to the vote, and the "ayes" have it. Henceforth, anyone who does not look as slim (some would say "emaciated") as a transgender runway model is to be considered "sick."
"We want to get fat-ass Americans the help they need," AMA spokesperson Dr. Jack Spratt said. "Designating obesity as a disease may result in insurance coverage increases under Obamacare."
Critics contend that the new disease will mostly help medical doctors, since it increases the potential patient population by 33 percent. "One in every three Americans is obese," Spratt told The Spoof, "but who's counting?"
Earlier, to increase the number of potential patients in the United States, the AMA voted to change the definition of high blood pressure so that readings that were considered to be within the normal limits before the vote now became "alarmingly high, if not life-threatening," and required immediate, intensive, and expensive lifelong treatment.
"We expect similar results with regard to obesity," Spratt admitted, 'as there are plenty of couch potatoes across the fruited plain."
Disney World also expects to cash in by helping obese people, especially children, learn about their "disease."
Disney spokesman Mickey Mouse said, "We have Donald and Goofy working on some new ideas and slogans that we hope to test on children in the near future." One possible slogan, Mouse said, is "There's no need to feel ashamed of being fat: if you're obese, you're not weak-willed, you're just plain sick!"
"That should do wonders for kids' self-respect," Goofy predicted.
"We're also working on some fat jokes," Hyacinth Hippo acknowledged, "such as 'The Hindenburg was a blimp, too-and look what happened to it!"