Written by IainB
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Monday, 17 June 2013

image for Share a Coke with: whoever you want
Share a Coke with - does it say 'Damo'? I can't make it out. It could be Coca-Cola upside down.

After the remarkable success of writing people's names on the sides of their bottles, Coca-Cola are now selling blank bottles and letters for those people who don't appear on a bottle.

"We've had a lot of people come to up to us and complain," said Rodney Trotter, head of Coca-Cola's marketing division that came up with the wizard wheeze that went down better than anybody could have expected. "The biggest complaint is not that they can't find a particular name, but that a particular name hasn't been printed."

With only the one hundred and fifty most popular names appearing on bottles (except for Mohammed - whose name cannot appear on products for religious and merchandising reasons) there are hundreds and thousands of names that have not been put on.

"People have been buying Coke just because they know somebody with that name," said Trotter, "or because it's their name. Sales have rocketed."

However, not everybody's is present. There is no Iain, for example - although there is an Ian; apparently, putting that extra I in is too much effort, and not worth the bother. Or something. I don't even like Coke. I prefer Dr Pepper. Where was I? Oh yes, getting bitter and twisted. Just like my Martinis.

Now blank bottles are being put on sale, and letters can be ordered at a cost of thirty pence a letter.

"Basically," said Trotter, "it's a do it yourself kit."

Documents leaked through Wiki-Lakes, a website about Cumbria's water features, have suggested that a printing error left ten million Coke bottles without a name, and the same magnificent marketing department that came up with the names on a bottle idea, has found a use for them, and they will get people to pay extra NOT to have a name on the side.

"God we're brilliant," said Trotter. "Bow down and worship at the feet of your gods, plebeians!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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