This weekend a small elite group of the wealthy and the extraterrestrial are gathering at a hotel just outside Watford. It is not clear what the meeting is about, but it is obvious to a number of protesters that the attendees must be up to something evil.
The meeting is named Bilderberg after the type of cake that will be served. Attending will be The Marquess of Peebles, Donald Trump's wig, The Queen (who will be taking her reptilian form), lottery winner Billy Scum, Salman Rushdie, both Popes, Alan Sugar's sidekick and Countdown presenter Nick Hewer, Lord Xenu of the Galactic Confederacy, and Zippy from Rainbow, among others.
The super-elite group will begin their day with cheese sandwiches at 11am, followed by a long meeting that will last most of the day. There has been much speculation about what will happen during the meeting. Some have suggested that they may attempt to reanimate the corpse of Jimmy Saville. Others have said that it will involve the ritual burning of a million dollars. One theory is that the meeting is just a distraction from the real meeting - the Bergerbild conference - which is currently happening in Australia.
Most protesters had their own theories about it all, most of which seemed to demonstrate a total lack of knowledge of basic physics or economics. "They're controlling us all," said one worried protester in a tin-foil hat. "In fact, they even ordered me to come here and protest against them. I'm so confused!"