Written by Aspartame Boy
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Monday, 20 May 2013

image for Americant Airlines doesn't want you in the cabin
Empty cabin on a recent Americant flight

Spokesman Ann T. Sociale of Americant Airlines revealed a new price structure for domestic flights. The move is thought by staff here to be in response to a recent policy shift by another well known airline favoring passengers that do not bring bags into the cabin.

According to Ms Sociale, passengers can still fly in the cabin, but will have to pay an additional $500.00, for each landing and take-off, in cash, to the stewardess. Passengers short of funds will be stuffed down the access-way to the baggage compartment, where economy accommodations are now allocated.

To further discourage cabin occupation, toilets will no longer flush and will be cleaned only after every 100,000 miles of flight.

UPDATE - New Toilet facilities below decks

Toilet facilities in the baggage compartment cum economy seating area now consists of a hole in the floor. Passengers must squat over this hole as the 600 mile per hour winds suck out excrement and blow it into the intake of the jet engines. Believe it or not, this actually increases mileage, according to the pictured stewardess.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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