Written by Spicewood
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Topics: Food, Obesity

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

image for HoHo's under fire

Gerald Reisenback, once the Production Coordinator at the Hostess Bakery Plant in Hot Springs, Arkansas, revealed during an employment interview with Homeland Security in Washington, D.C. that since the last HoHo was produced in the plant his life had been one threat after another.

He confided that he had to disconnect his telephone because of death threats that been received constantly at his home. and they were considering entering the Witness Protection Program if they could somehow qualify.

One caller was Mustoff Ahsheed, Al Qaeda operative in Atlanta, Georgia, who inquired about purchasing the plant, doubling production, and giving the HoHo's away to the general public, in anticipation of creating a populace of "overweight infidels" who would ultimately be too obese to protect themselves.

Ming Tse Chan, who introduced himself as a "Representative of North Korea," proposed that "Meester Reisenbackson" move to North Korea and rebuild a duplicate of the Arkansas plant, and produce "Rice Filled HoHos" which he felt would be a satisfactory supplement to the present starvation diet being offered to their countrymen.

During the interview, Janet Napolitano entered the room, and asked his advice, as she was attempting to purchase 1.6 billion of the bakery treats. Her plan was to insert a bullet into each HoHo, which would be used to "camouflage" the ammunition that she was purchasing for Homeland Security. She reasoned that with an unlimited shelf life, she would start a "Shoot and Eat" campaign.

Ordinance testing was being performed at Aberdeen Proving Grounds to determine the corrosive effect of the filling on the gun barrel. As of two weeks ago, the filling had eroded the metal parts on all of the 145 rest weapons and rendered them useless.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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