City Hall, London - (AssoCIAted Mess): In a landmark trade deal London Mayor Ken Livingstone has secured a five year contract to supply cheap Venezuelan crack cocaine to the capital following months of delicate wrangling with President Hugo Chavez and bent cops working in the Blairs' chemical processing factory at their Cliff Richard-owned holiday villa in Barbados.
The historic deal will see an unrestricted flow of processed crack cocaine imports via new trading channels cleared by the State of Florida's Governor Jeb Bush, thus ensuring that the Bush Dynasty receives its guaranteed percentage cream-offs in accordance to recently negotiated World Trade Organization tariffs.
An estimated five hundred tonnes of refined crack cocaine will now be able to enter the Port of London anally - [or is it annually??] - via refurbished former Puerto Rican banana boats which now bear the logo of the Mayor of London and are officially certified as carrying Venezuelan heavy marker crude for reprocessing at the British Fascist Party's (BPF) refinery at the Isle of Dogs.
A new distribution network organised by Transport For London (TFL) will then take charge of supplying the Mayor's retail outlets throughout the Greater London area as well as covering the M25 corridor, the MI5 corridor, and the corridors of power at Whitehall.
The Venezuelan crack cocaine will under-cut other drug barons' supplies by an estimated 90% thus ensuring that London voters partial to the odd hit or ten of this vital, energising, human growth hormone-stimulating and sadly under-rated natural organic substance will never again miss out on the chance of easily scoring a handy rock whenever they feel like it.
The move follows nearly two years of protracted secret negotiations with the UK's National Poisons Unit to ensure that formerly super-efficient UK Naval Intelligence channels, which have such an excellent record of busting the Blairs' myriad crackpot coke import schemes, will be unable to break this latest entrepreneurial scheme fronted by Livingstone for the benefit of the millions of voting Londoners who know just how much Dear Ken deserves to slime himself again and again and again into office to stay as Mayor of London during the time of the 2012 London Olympic Games....
More details are expected on this hysteric ground-breaking trade deal later in the week.