A spokesman for Britain's leading bakery chain admitted that pigmeat was used in millions of hot cross buns on sale this weekend. Most of the major supermarkets have this product on their shelves, discounted at one pound per bun.
The chief Rabbi is up in arms because many of his devout brethren do eat hot cross buns. However, his secret worry is the possibility of eating contaminated bagels because the very same firm supplies most of that particular kosher product sold in Britain. Of course he omitted to mention the firm is Jewish owned.
The new Pope has also condemned the use of cheap pigmeat by the bakery as blatant profiteering when they should have been using horsemeat in the buns. Unfortunately horse is in very short supply having been used up mostly by burgher factories, fast food chains and frozen ready meal producers.
Pig farmers are quite optimistic that the price of their meat will increase due to this unexpected publicity. They condemned the protest march on parliament by twenty-three staunch Christians as unhelpful.
Not to be outdone by the Rabbi our very own Archbishop of Canterbury waded into the fray with the senseless act of burning his buns in the back garden and singeing his new silk frock in the process. Serves the silly bugger right.
The prime minister would not be drawn when asked if he had shares in the bakery and told our reporter to fuck off and get a proper job.
By contrast London Mayor Boris Johnston said, he'd paid good money for his buns and intended to eat them toasted with butter and Marmite, washed down by several pints of real ale. His traditional way of celebrating Easter before he gets his Sunday afternoon leg-over. None of that tasteless foreign lager crap for him.