EAST HANOVER, N.J. - RJR Nabisco was ordered today by the Superior Court of New Jersey to immediately "cease and desist making and selling crackers and cracker-like snacks."
The class-action lawsuit was brought by the National Association for the Advancement of Uncolored People (NAAUP) and the White and Caucasian Organization, which together contended successfully that labelling products crackers demeans, belittles and humilitates Caucasians as well as fair-skinned people of other pigment groups.
Superior Court Judge Carol Higbee issued the restraining order because continuing use of stereotypical language may do irreparable harm to the already fragile egos of whites. The court ruled that people of white heritage deserved protection as a minority class since high birth and immigration rates among other minority groups have reduced Caucasians to a small and increasingly oppressed fraction of the population.
RJR Nabisco had pressed the court to allow it to continue sell its crackers under another name. The court refused. "Call them what you like," said Judge Higbee, "they are still crackers."
Advocates for white people hailed Higbee's ruling as moving our nation closer to a pigment-free ideal.
"It was mighty white of her, I'll say," said NAAUP spokesman Alberino Weiss. "Somebody finally acknowledged that white people have feelings too."
RJR Nabisco attorney Robert Winkler said that when he saw Gary Coleman, yes, that Gary Coleman, as a named defendant in the class action suit, he suspected color did have something to do with it -- the color green, that is.
"That little squirt," said Winkler. "Coleman isn't white; he's brown as a berry. He can't be an aggrieved party."
"I can see the grubby little finger prints of the Keebler elves all over this," said Charles A. Blixt, general counsel for RJR Nabisco. "They put Gary up to this," he said.
Just over a year ago, in a move little noted by consumers, Keebler and its parent company Kellogg began re-labelling a number of products removing the appellation cracker and adding "baked goods." Early in this action's proceedings Keebler Kellogg was dropped as a defendant in the suit.
RJR Nabisco said that they plan to appeal the ruling "because they have enough money to do so."
Copyright 2006, Douglas Salguod