Written by E. Lee Zimmerman
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Topics: horsemeat

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

HOUSTON, TX - Continuing the string of alarming discoveries about the prevalence of horse meat found in consumer products, the fast food sector is now facing increased scrutiny over an FDA report citing horse meat detected in their seasonal 'McShamrock Shakes.'

"We're taking these new allegations very seriously," said spokesperson Fanny Borobudour. "We know we're dealing with a heightened public awareness about the inappropriate use of meats, so we're issuing an immediate recall of all McShamrock Shakes purchased between February 2nd through today."

Suspicions began to mount when area restaurants began re-branding the popular Irish-themed beverage under the theme of 'that same great shake, now with chunks!' An investigative report by the popular consumer affairs organization, ShakeWatch, failed to receive any response from company officials.

"These weren't merely chunks matching the color and consistency of the traditional Shamrock Shake," said Dermot Alpine, the senior writer for ShakeWatch who prepared the media summary of their study. "These were red, bloody hunks of what clearly resembled meat. We found a horsetail in one shake purchased in a Dubuque (IA) restaurant, and that put us looking in the right direction."

Consumers who purchased shakes between the dates cited above are encouraged to return said frosty beverages to their nearest restaurant, along with the receipt of purchase, for a full refund.

"We're taking the steps necessary to insure the consumer confidence that's always gone hand-in-hand with our brand," Borobudour insisted. "So if you can't produce the proper receipt, we're willing to pony-up a coupon for a free large fries with your next $5 purchase, and that's indeed a bargain in this Obama economy."

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