Written by Maynard Collington
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Sunday, 10 February 2013

image for U.S. Mint urges Congress to discontinue the T-shirt
T-shirt values plumeting

Top economists at the U.S. Mint are urging the house and senate to discontinue the iconic T-shirt.
"T-shirts costs vary wildly. Anywhere from 5 to 25 dollars per unit, and have Zero value, less than a cent!" comments Randy Zublowski spokesman for the U.S. Mint.

Canadians and some European countries have already recognized the value of discontinuing these forgettable items of clothing. Zublowski explains further "T-shirts are becoming a burden, they cost too much to make, and end up in piles at peoples homes. Everyone has a drawer full of them! They need to be discontinued. They aren't circulated enough" He goes on to say "People get them from everywhere, the company the work for, the thing their kid did, that event they went too that one time. Its ruining the garment balance in American homes, because no-one gives out socks or underwear."

This imbalance in wardrobe collections has cost the American public untold amounts. People stand around for hours picking out what T-shirt they want to wear for the day, or just for the gym, and the tragedy is no-one gives a damn. Consumers and lobbyists are pushing for a broader scope of commemorative items until this imbalance is righted.

We rushed to the scene of a local Tattoo shop, were throngs of people were forced to wait in line for a mere T-shirt.We asked a random guy for his comments on the debate. He said " Yeah man I have like more T-shirts than I can wear in a month, but only like 3 good pairs of socks. People need more than just a crappy T-shirt; of a Quarterbacks inspirational tatoos, or to commemorate their companies off-site event. How about things we can use -like light bulbs, or batteries. Heck I'd take a good shoelace or a belt, man."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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