Written by Winston Smith
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Topics: Farmers, argentina

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

image for Argentina Freezes Prices To Persuade Farmers To Quit
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BUENOS AIRES, Argentina (MOT) - Argentina announced a price freeze on supermarket products Monday in an effort to break spiraling obesity.

The price freeze applies to every product in all of the nation's largest supermarkets, the government's news agency Telam reported.

The dietary ministry wants fat people to eat less food and thin people to call a hotline about any black-market food vendors they see selling to fat people at higher than permitted prices.

During consultation with the economic ministry the dietary commissar learned that grocery store shelves would soon be empty if their selling prices are frozen while their supply costs are not frozen which will cause them to fail to earn a profit and end in store closure. The economic commissar said that he would freeze grocery store supply prices to counteract that unintended consequence because he only wanted extreme food shortages, not for stores to close. Food producers responded with threats to quit producing food or to sell their foods on the black market if their selling prices are frozen while their overhead costs are not frozen. This has left the economic commissar wondering what to freeze next in response to those unintended consequences. Rumors are that tractor fuel prices and grape-picker wages are next on the unending list.

Polls show Argentines worry most about fat people bankrupting the Argentinian form of Obamacare, which private economists estimate could cost $30billion this year. The government says it's trying to hold the next union wage hikes to 0.0001 percent, because they are fatter than most other people and will just pigout on payday instead of putting the extra money in their government owned imaginary retirement accounts.

The government announced the price freeze on the first business day after the World Health Organization formally censured Argentina for having too many fat people. The WHO has given Argentina until September to bring its obesity statistics down to international standards, or face expulsion from the svelte world body in November.

President Cristina Fernandez and her dietary minister, Hugo Hungaree, responded over the weekend with a flurry of attacks on the WHO, saying the agency's fat-pinching efforts had lost credibility in the lead-up to Argentina's historic 2013 Subway franchise grand opening by Jared. They said WHO advice is leading Europeans astray by favoring green leafy vegetables over the brightly colored Subway Sandwich tomatoes that can shrink fat people right out of their pants.

However, Hugo Hungaree also said that the government will begin mandating all six inch Subway sandwiches be increased in size to three inches long. A whopping fifty percent increase from the current six inch long sandwich in fourth-quarter 2013 - just in time for the WHO's decision.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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