Written by IainB
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Thursday, 24 January 2013

image for High Street stores to merge
The For Sale signs have been going up in every high street

Jessop's the failed high street photography retailer, are set to continue inside HMV stores, sparking a rush of other failing and failed stores to join in.

Receivers in charge of selling off HMV have changed tack, and decided that amalgamation not liquidation is the way forward.

"We have had an approach from Comet," said Ray Seeva, who is in charge of the receivers in charge of HMV's case. "So as well as Jessops in HMV stores, there will also be Comet."

By merging together the stores, each of the groups can seriously cut overheads for staff, premises and advertising.

"Let's face it," said Seeva, "The staff in HMV never really knew that much about music, in the same way that the Comet staff knew very little about fridges, kettles and Ethernet cables. Now the staff in the amalgamated stores will be able to know very little about a much wider range of goods."

If HMV-Jessops-Comet looks like a viable alternative, then Blockbusters might also join in, allowing people to rent the fridges, music, videos and games for a week.

"Hopefully, it won't be as hard to get a Blockbuster's Fridge Rental card as it was to get a DVD rental card," said Seeva. "I think that the difficulty in getting hold of a DVD rental card from Blockbusters was a major part of their downfall. When you want to rent a film, who wants to bring in a copy of their grandparent's birth certificate, proof of mental sanity and three items of identification with a current address on?"

Camera rental from HMV-Jessops-Comet-Blockbusters could be the next big thing, saving all of the retailers' futures.

"We were struggling to come up with a new name for this amalgamated store," said Seeva, "until some bright spark came up with the name Woolworths."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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