Washington, D.C. - Senate leaders leaked to this reporter, today, that a solution to the Baby Boomer Fiscal Cliff problem has been agreed to. The basic idea is very simple. Not enough young to take care of the old. It is the creative solution that solves the issue.
My source explained that the fiscal imbalance is simply caused by the millions of babies that are aborted each year. As these babies do not grow up to take care of their aging parents, who murdered them, their parents are relying solely on the government for succor, over taxing that particular set of teats.
The solution? Death panels, long resisted by the Republicans, have finally been sanctioned. These will see that enough senior citizens starve or die of medical neglect, starting Jan. 1, 2013, to balance out the number of abortions that have transpired in the last 60 years. If needed, there are also plans to add extra aspartame to the special products fed to the elderly to assure them of 'proper' nutrition.
Of course, this means that most people over 60 will have to be dealt with, one way or another. It is hoped that once they are disarmed, they will sacrifice their lives happily for the greater good.
The Selective Service (SS) will administer the pogrom.
Stock futures rose on the news, while the price of gold fell. (Could it be all those gold teeth?)