In a surprise move today, President Bush announced a new immigration policy that has stunned the world. Beginning immediately, administration officials say Hezbollah militants displaced by the recent Israeli attacks on the southern border of Lebanon, will be invited to police the border between Mexico and the US in an effort to curb illegal immigration.
"I want to say…uhh…that these militants have, well, you know, really proven themselves in the area of…ummm…border security. They have the know-how and…uh…well…we should give them an opportunity to turn their lives around in a country that is…well…free," the President was reported to have stumbled through. Sh#%...I'll go down there and helpem' out myself if need be.
Officials in border states like Texas are stunned but pleased by the administration initiative to protect their borders with Mexico. "That's just the sort a hard-nosed types we need down here," commented one Texas state senator who asked to remain anonymous for fear he might look like a complete idiot. "Those Heezballers are real cowboys at heart and I'm confident they'll keep all these Mexicaners out of our country."
Hezbollah leaders are excited about the new assignment as it furthers their mission of "…spreading hate around the world." "We are very excited about this opportunity," one soldier exclaimed! "After all, most Mexicans are Christian infidels too…and, we are then well positioned for insurgency within the United States."
Word from the United Nations is mixed. Kofi Annon was reported to have fallen out of his chair, while several representatives in attendance gasped when the announcement was made as the move is a distinct departure from previous Bush administration policy.
Elmer Fudd, Professor of Important Stuff and Interesting Things at BB University in Albuquerque, New Mexico believes the move could be good for something and that some people will feel good about the move while others will probably oppose the action. "In the final anawisis," he stated, "we must wemove the thweat of iweggal immagwation from those who thweaton our borders with thweatoning weapons and…what was the question?"
No word yet on how the program might be administered by the US government although one dissenting public official stated that, "…it's a sad day for Jewish-Mexicans."