Never one to rest on his preposterous hairstyle, Donald Trump has announced his strategy to end the Global Economic slowdown. On the back of his outstanding commercial success on the east coast of Scotland, Trump is now ready to unveil his next stage of World Golf domination.
"It occurred to me, like all my best ideas do, whilst sat on the toilet" started Trump "Why restrict myself to ruining beautiful stretches of an unspoilt coastline, when I can take a giant golfing turd on the whole World?" "I'm gonna build the largest golf links this World has ever seen, it's doesn't start and it never ends."
And with that the Millionaire Business Wizard made public the plan that will not only boost the World Economy but will end Global hunger and eradicate unemployment…Trump World Golf ™ turn your property into part of the largest golf links the Universe has ever seen. "Every single piece of real estate will become a fairway, a bunker, a bit of rough twisting and turning through the vast, intricate and diverse landscape that we know as Earth. Every person who participates charges 1 cent (or local equivalent) in ground fees and gets a job maintaining their neighbour's course; it couldn't be simpler"
Obviously, some parts of the world offer their own unique challenges however trump has vowed that no-one will stop him from creating his dream course. "Any homeowner who refuses to get involved will be circumvented by my new 'play it where it lies' bill that is currently going through congress, essentially creating the right to trespass on land where a ball has dropped" "I see these as opportunities, if you don't want to get aboard the Trump Train ™ that's fine, we'll play on your land and you can't do a damn thing about it"
When questioned about the problems regarding large expanses of ocean trump commented that he is thinking outside of the box on that one and has already developed 'floating pontoon' style course sections from navy battleships and aircraft carriers. Never one to forget the up and coming client Trump has also expressed an interest in turning the entire UK into a continuous crazy golf course for the younger golfer. "Anyone who gets in my way will just become part of the course, I don't care about protesting scum, they'll just become the trickier parts of the course, crazy golf at it's best and most literal"
Unconfirmed rumours are being put out that he also plans to turn China into a pay and display car park.