Written by IainB
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Friday, 5 October 2012

image for Sparks and Mensa launch their Health and Safety fashion range
Safe doesn't have to be ugly

Sparks and Mensa, the high street department store for the fashion conscious and intelligent, has announced the launch of it's new range of Health and Safety clothing.

"Hi-viz jackets are useful," said range designer, Wok Gann. "What they're not is fashionable, trendy, easy to wear or in anyway good."

The new range of clothing features integrated reflective strips, fluorescent colouring and reinforcement in areas where reinforcement is useful.

"Where else can you get steel toe-capped four and a half inch stilettos?" asked Gann. "Or a fur-trimmed hooded parka that doubles as a safety hat thanks to the rigid plates?"

The Hi-Viz swimsuit is expected to be a big seller, as are the chemical resistant mini-skirts.

"If a mini-skirt is coupled with chemical resistant tights, and waterproof knee high boots, with a three inch heel and steel toe-cap, even the most rugged job can be carried off with style," said Gann. "We think the Kevlar bomber jackets will add a bit of panache to any construction worker's wardrobe."

The new ranges will be available in all S&M stores for the autumn rush.

"As well as the fluorescent colours," said Gann, "we're mixing them up with this season's palette of purples and dark greens."

Joe Hardhead, a construction worker from Dorset, is looking forward to the new range.

"I can't wait to turn up on the job site in fashionable clothing that makes me safe too," he said. "I can't wait to see the other guy's faces when I stride in on my four inch heel construction boots!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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