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Thursday, 16 August 2012

image for Football clubs to offer degree courses
A spurs' fan practices in preparatio for a mighty spit

It was announced this morning that London football club Tottenham Hotspur is to offer degree courses, the first time a sporting club has entered the foray into third level education.

Famous not only for it's iconic stadium at White Hart Lane, it is also know for some famous owners in the past, including Joe Lewis, Lord Alan Sugar and Sir Stelios Haji-Ioannou.

The first two degrees on offer will be an MA in Profanity and an MSc in Spitting.

For the MA, students will learn how not to communicate in sentences, but to swear at each other, and include the use of the "f-word" as many times as they can when they open their mouths. There will also be work experience and practical trips to places such as wildlife parks so that students can learn to grunt incomprehensibly at each other.

The degree in spitting will help students spit more effectively when playing sports. They will also be taught the full rudiments of ill manners as to how best to spit volumes on the street, when riding bikes, walking in the park, mugging pensioners or out for a day's shoplifting in the city.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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