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Saturday, 30 June 2012

image for Bank Worker Sacked for Lending a Colleague a Tenner till next Wednesday
Lend us a Tenner, eh? Go on, I'll pay you back next Wednesday.

Kevin Smalley, 48, a clerk at Natleys Bank has been dismissed from his job after a senior manager discovered that he had lent £10 to a fellow employee.

The reciprocant of the loan, Wendy Smidgin, a sales counter assistant at the same branch, had made a verbal agreement to pay the money back to Mr Smalley the following Wednesday. By then she would have had sufficient funds due to the sale on ebay of a green Draylon sofa that was being collected and paid for on Tuesday evening.

Although the principal of one person lending money to another would appear to be one of the foundations of banking, it emerged that Mr Smalley had breached a number of banking etiquettes thus leading to his dismissal from the bank after 27 years of service.

A spokesperson from Natleys Bank explained the reasoning behind the decision:

"This employee, who's name escapes me at the moment, was dismissed for gross misconduct, in that he lent money to another person knowing that it would be repaid. While doing so he also failed to charge an administration fee or add exorbitant cumulative interest. As an employee of long standing he was well aware that the guiding principle of any financial transaction is to insure that interest is paid throughout the debtor's lifetime as the rates should be set, such as that the debtor can never quite pay off the original loan. The fact that it was his own money is beside the point".

Mr Smalley now faces the task of finding employment in a different industry, as he fears that his name has been added to the UK Banking Association's blacklist of unethical employees.

"I fear that my name has been added to the UK Banking Association's blacklist of unethical employees" he said.

Adding; "I now face the task of finding employment in a different industry".

Although the incident has turned into a personal disaster for Kevin Smalley, there has been an upside to the story; Wendy Smidgin, the borrower of the ten pound note has refused to pay back the money stating that the recovery costs would exceed the initial loan, and that as there was no written record of the transaction Kevin Smalley can go and screw himself. She intends to spend the money on a bottle of wine.

"I intend to spend the money on a bottle of wine" she said.

Adding; "As there's no written record of the transaction, Kevin Smalley can go and screw himself".

Top executives at the bank were so impressed with Ms Smidgin's ability to take someone else's money with no intention of paying it back, and then spend it on a luxury item for herself that they have offered her a senior management position with the company.

Natleys Bank is 17 on Thursday.

No bankers were harmed during the writing of this article.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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