Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: Monkey, Sneeze

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

image for Sneezing Monkeys Land Commercial Endorsements
Achoo!

Sneezing monkeys have a lot to celebrate. They were recently named to Arizona State University's annual Top 10 New Species list.

And there's more. The resulting publicity has had an amazing side effect. The sneezing monkeys have signed contracts to participate in advertising campaigns for Kleenex as well as the antihistamine Benadryl.

"Who better to sell tissues than sneezing monkeys?" asked one executive from the company that sells Kleenex. "They clearly have a need for our product and share that need with humans. No matter if the snotty nose belongs to a monkey or a person. In either case, it is most unattractive."

The folks who make Benadryl are equally sure that the sneezing monkeys will be great for selling their product. "Whether you hang out in a cage, a forest, a small town, or a big city," said one executive, "constant sneezing and red, itchy eyes are turnoffs. Not endearing features at all."

The monkeys are delighted with their new profession. "Hanging around sneezing all day is okay," said one monkey interviewed at a NYC zoo. After a one-minute pause for a series of sneezes, he continued, "But it doesn't pay the bills."

So far the advertising folks creating the ads are pleased. "Working with monkeys beats working with people any day," said an advertising executive, who went on to add: "Remember what that writer and painter Malcolm De Chazal once said, Monkeys are superior to men in this: when a monkey looks into a mirror, he sees a monkey."

Enough said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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