Written by mikewadestr
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Topics: Bolivia

Sunday, 3 June 2012

image for GSA Worker Buys Bolivia with Money Obtained from Falsified Expense Reports
Don't you thing a crown might help Jerry?

Using a large portion of the 6 billion dollars that he obtained by filing false travel expense reports, work at home GSA employee, John Jerkoff, bought the country of Bolivia for 5 billion dollars. Reaction from the world's nations was one of shock, confusion and amazement as world financial analysts had Bolivia valued at 5 times that amount.

"This is unbelievable", stammered UN spokesman Danny DoNothing. "This guy got the real estate deal of the century, although, he did throw in a Honus Wagner rookie card".

Mr. Jerkoff's travel expense reports included the likes of 5 weeklong trips to Australia which all occurred on the same days, fake hotel and airline receipts written in crayon and a 50 million dollar hang gliding trip from his house to a Seventy-Eleventy store two blocks away. When asked how an employee who was never sent on travel could get away with such a blatant act of fraud, GSA head auditor Jerry Duh, fearing for his life and speaking from an undisclosed location at 1455 Durin Street, Charleston, West Virginia stated:

"We honestly never suspected anything unusual with the reports. Everything made perfect sense to us. Hell, a lot of airline and hotel receipts are written in crayon. Just fly Jet Black, you'll see what I mean".

Members of Congress expressed outrage over the fact that part of the money was used to buy all the Venezuelan Hugo Chavez Bobble Head Dolls and he didn't give any of them to them.

"I have no idea what the dork was thinking", lamented Mr. Jerkoff's wife. "He went out and bought the original Mona Lisa and painted a mustache and beard on her and is now calling it the Jonah Lisa. He even went as far as hanging it over our bed. It really creeps the shit out of me".

"Worse, is that he gave our two sons ownership of two tin mines each in Bolivia when what they really wanted was an iPhone 4S".

When asked what he intended to do with the country of Bolivia, Mr. Jerkoff addressed the press from a throne in the Bolivian presidential palace by answering:

"Oh, I don't know. I was thinking of making some country improvements and then flipping it for twice as much as I paid for it. But, in the meantime, I did change the Venezuelan Constitution to require every citizen to wear a groucho mask.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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