Written by Oleg the Tumor
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Topics: Economy, Europe, Greece

Saturday, 2 June 2012

image for Greece Sues to Settle Debt - So long Art
Soon-a new Mickey D's

ATHENS - Today, the Greek government has decided to take "extreme" measures to address its financial problems. A three-pronged legal attacks is expected to be filed Monday in every major world capital, "Demanding back payments for centuries worth of what is now being called 'back rent' for the display of archaeological treasures taken from Greece over the millennia", according to the lawsuit. The lawsuit does not ask for the return of any art works, presumably because of the prohibitive costs, only cash for work. "already on display to the public."

The lawsuit also claims that "Greek patents on 'Democracy' and 'Logic' have been violated by Western governments and computer makers. The suit is expected to name all computer manufacturers and governments using the Greek democratic model or the work of classical Greek mathematicians.

"They stole everything from us and ran like hell!" accused chief antiquities prosecutor Dmitry Stompleupagus. We created democracy, logic and the greatest art the world has ever seen. Everybody says this is priceless art, so how come you can't trade it to pay down debt? Because it was stolen from us and hauled out of here, that's why! Now what are we supposed to do, bring everything back and put it on eBay? Bafangool!

The port of Athens is full of ships hauling away Greek art at firesale prices.

One of these is the freighter, "Das Bilderberger" from Germany, ready to leave with a load full of "kouros", or statuary from the Archaic Era 700 - 480 B.C.E.

The gantry cranes retract quickly as the crewmembers secure all hatches and openings. The tide is turning. It's getting dark. It's time to go.

Demetri is sitting on the curb in the street, crying. His culture is leaving without him.

He jumps up, producing what might be the last jar of Vaseline in Athens and throws it at the German ship screaming, "Here, take it, take all of it, you bastards!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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