Written by IainB
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Monday, 28 May 2012

image for Swedish firms in bidding war for Loreen's Euphoria
Ikea's Uforia cabinet, perfectly suited for Loreen's song

Eurovision winner, Loreen, is at the centre of a bidding war for the use of his Eurovision winning, chart-topping song Euphoria. Loreen won the competition for Sweden, and now Ikea and Volvo are both after using the song in their latest advertising campaigns.

"We love the song," said Henrik Volvos, head of Ikea's marketing division. "We think it suits our product line."

"We also love this song," said Ivan Kia, head of Volvo's marketing division. "When we hear it, we can see people driving a Volvo."

Both companies are massive companies, with both bidding against each other in an attempt to woo Loreen to their side, with the amounts reaching preposterous levels.

"To be honest," Loreen said. "I'm not sure that I wish my song to be used by either Volvo or Ikea. It would debase it."

Unfortunately, no matter the level of principles, everybody has a price, and both Volo and Ikea have sailed well past the price of Loreen's principles.

"I wouldn't need to work again," said Loreen. "This is probably a good thing, as the shelf life for Eurovision stars is about as long as Englebert Humperdinck's life expectancy. Is that bitchy? It wasn't meant to be, I'm not very good at similes. Or metaphors. Or whatever it was."

Sony Erickson have already produced a mobile phone called the Euphoria in honour of Loreen's achievements, paying her a percentage of every phone sold. Unfortunately, nobody buys Erickson phones any more, and she has only made twenty Euros.

In the end, her choice may come down to national pride.

"I think I may allow Volvo to use the song," she said. "After all, Ikea sold out to the Dutch."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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