Written by IainB
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Friday, 25 May 2012

image for Eddie Stobart wins the contract to deliver Eddie Stobart trucks
Anybody want to buy some stock?

Shares in Eddie Stobart rose significantly today with the news that they have won one of their largest haulage contracts to date: delivering Eddie Stobart trucks.

"We're not delivering our own trucks per se," said Bobby Stobart, logistics manager for the family run firm. "Well, we are in some cases. Mainly picking them up and delivering them to the yards."

Instead of whole trucks, Stobart have won the contract to deliver parts to the manufacturer Scania.

"We have nearly five thousand trucks," said Stobart. "We plan on doubling that number by 2112, which is ten trucks a week. That's pretty close to Scania's maximum output. We're going to have to find some new names for the fronts of our trucks. We might have to use Chinese names."

With Stobart basically know Scania's major customer, industry analysts are full expecting that Stobart's will buy the Swedish commercial vehicle manufacturer.

"We have considered buying Scania," said Stobart. "However, we decided it wouldn't save us any money. We pay them for trucks, they pay us for delivering them the parts and taking the trucks away. We then use the trucks. It's a lovely system. We couldn't get the trucks as cheaply if we bought the company. Plus we'd have the hassle of designing trucks."

Stobart's major rivals in the haulage business are now quaking in fear of Stobart buying Scania.

"When Stobart says they are not doing something," said Norbert Triangle, "it usually means its a done deal, and they'll be announcing it soon. They're going to charge us a fortune for trucks."

"It's not true," insisted Stobart.

"Oh no!" said Triangle. "I'm selling my own stock now, while it's still worth something."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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