Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Mitt Romney

Monday, 21 May 2012

image for The Mitt Romney Lazy Boy Dog Kennel For Car Roofs

Paying homage to the Mitt Romney propensity to flip-flop, (placing luggage in a car and strapping the family dog to the roof of the car) the Lazy Boy Company has come out with a new design for dog kennels.

"For extended family trips, the new Romney Lazy Boy Kennel will safely carry a dog or child on the roof of the family car. This innovative design will be equipped with comfy down pillows, non-spill water bowl and television, as well as piped in music. Large enough to hold a man the size of Romney, (photo-shopped photo of the candidate curled up in the kennel and smiling) the kennel will also have a surveillance camera to keep in touch."

Hearing that his name and photograph were being used with the dog on the roof situation that happened over twenty years ago, Romney exploded and complained to his handlers. They assured him that Lazy Boy wasn't a piece of "crap" sold at Walmart or Casco, but a high-end furniture company presently being promoted on television by actress/model Brook Shields.

"Thought she was doing Calvin Klein jeans."

"She's expanded."

Romney shot into action. He ordered his former company Bain Capital to buy Lazy Boy, pay the Bain reorganization team the company assets, rehire the workers at a fraction of their previous salary, cancel health benefits and erase their retirement like poof: now you see it, now you don't! How's that for a flip-flop?

His handlers argued against the Bain Capital buy out, insisting that the Romney Lazy Boy Kennel would successfully reach voters of a different demographic: those really, really independent voters that Obama has in his back pocket. The Romney Lazy Boy Kennel could be better than a reality TV show. Even the Kardassians would skip a wedding for an opportunity like the Romney Lazy Boy Kennel.

"Didn't he defended O.J.?"

"That was the old man. The photo with you curled up in the Romney Lazy Boy Kennel guarantees that you'll be in the White House come January."

"Lazy Boy today and White House tomorrow?"

"A done deal."

"I'm your Lazy Boy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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