The American Petroleum Institute issued a statement this morning announcing the intent of its members to, "Frack you America!"
While the statement seemed bold and aggressive, the API went on to state it had the backing of one hundred percent of its membership.
"With sixty-five Senators, two hundred thirty-five Congressman, thirty-eight state supreme court chief justices, and twelve hundred city council members on the payroll, it is time to cut to the chase, so to speak. So Fracking 'A' America, This land is made for you and me!"
The statement concluded in a challenging tone; "And America the fracking beautiful, you can quit worrying about your pristine rivers, streams, and fruited plains, you're fracked!
"After we scoop off the top of Mt. Rushmore, you can still visit those guys in a lead lined cave in the bottom of the Grand Canyon, not too pleasant in the summer but you'll get used to it. In conclusion, we have not forgotten you the consumer.
"We have arranged to have your well water purchased at reasonable prices by Monsanto and you can always buy your bottled water from the Yangtze. America the beautiful, frack you if you can't take a joke!"