Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 18 April 2012

image for Stalker day a great success for card shops
Listening at the window to see if they got my card

High Street card shops have hailed the National Stalker and Harassment Day a great success, with millions of cards sold nationwide.

"We're really glad that the government have come up with this new day to accompany Mother's Day, Grandparent's Day, Boss's Day and Father's Day," said card-shop owner, Clinton Hallmark.

According to Hallmark, there's a bit of a lull in card sales between Easter and Exam Success. The new National Day gives card shops a chance to make extra cash in the lean period.

"We've had some good cards for sale," said Hallmark. "Humerous captions along the lines of I'm watching you open this card for those cards sent by stalkers and Please put the circulars in the recycle bin after you've rifled through my mail for those cards sent to stalkers."

It is rare that a National Day comes along that sees two different groups of people can send cards to each other.

"It's as good as Christmas," said Hallmark. "We're hoping for other such National Days, such as Hairdresser's Day and National Shop Assistants Day."

Stalkers up and down the country have been sending cards to their victims, usually accompanied by a photo of their victim in the shower. Meanwhile, many stalkers have received cards from their victims, usually with a restraining order enclosed.

"Everybody's a winner!" said Hallmark. "I wish I had a stalker now."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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