Written by Gregory James
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Topics: China, Chinese

Saturday, 1 April 2006

image for Wal-Mart and China Announce Merger
Wal-Mart/China Flag

Chinese President Jiang Zemin, Chinese Premier Zhu Rhongji, Wal-Mart CEO Lee Scott, and Chief Executive of Wal-Mart Asia Joe Hatfield announced the merger of the world's largest corporation with the world's most populous nation. Although China and Wal-Mart will retain separate political and retail identities, the official name of the new nation/corporate entity will be known as "China Mart"

"This is a natural evolution of the relationship between Wal-Mart and China", stated Joe Hatfield, Chief Executive of Wal-Mart Asia. Wal-Mart has been the leader in promoting the sale of goods made in China throughout the world.

The announcement has shocked world leaders as the ramifications of this merger are still being pondered. One US leader who was not taken by surprise was Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee. Governor Huckabee made an equally stunning announcement that the State of Arkansas (location of Wal-Mart Corporate Headquarters) is seceding from the United States effective immediately and joining the new "China Mart" entity.

The leaders of the new China Mart entity distributed a nearly 500-page treatise detailing precisely how this new nation-corporation will operate. The current leaders of China and Wal-Mart will remain in power; however, a new structure blending the Chinese Politburo and Executive Staff of Wal-Mart will be announced within 3 months.

A flag blending the Chinese Flag wit the Wal-Mart Corporate logo was unveiled.

Here are some features of the new entity:

• The Politburo and Executive Staff will be blended to form the new government
• All Wal-Mart stores will have an embassy of China Mart
• Store Managers will now be designated as Ambassadors
• Wal-Mart Associates will be offered citizenship in the new China Mart
• Only citizens of China Mart may work at Wal-Mart
• Housing will be provided for Wal-Mart Associates on the grounds of each store
• All Associates will be required to live in Associate housing
• Refusal by any nation to engage in trade with China Mart will result in military action
• All land currently held by China Mart will be considered sovereign China-Mart territory

"China and Wal-Mart have long been partners in our aggressive expansion into new markets. We have merely formalized our longstanding relationship with this merger," stated CEO Scott. President Jiang Zemin further added, "The current economic expansion of China would not have been possible without the assistance of our comrades at Wal-Mart. The merger with Wal-Mart will enable us to gain entry into much of the rest of the world."

US President George Bush, when asked to comment, offered this statement, "While I am saddened at the secession of Arkansas from the United States of America, I applaud this development which will promote free trade throughout the world." Not to be outdone, President Bush stated that the US was considering a merger with a consortium of oil companies and the beleaguered General Motors Corporation.

Former US President Bill Clinton is rumored to have been offered a key position in the new nation-corporation.

Speculation on how this would impact Britain was fueled when Chancellor Gordon Brown (presumed successor to Prime Minister Tony Blair) recently announced the formation of a stellar panel of international business figures to advise the Treasury on globalisation issues. The members included Wal-Mart's Lee Scott, Microsoft founder Bill Gates, Tesco boss Sir Terry Leahy, BP's Lord Browne, Meg Whitman of eBay, and ex-US Treasury secretary Robert Rubin, now a Citigroup director. CEO Scott said that he had much advice as to how China Mart can work with Britain.

Chinese President Jiang Zemin concluded the announcement by stating, "China Mart will lead the world into a bold new future that has been meticulously planned by the leadership of China Mart." CEO Scott, seeming to paraphrase President Bush, added, "Every nation in every region of the world now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with our competitors."

The world waits to see what lies ahead as the new behemoth takes power.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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