Written by Chrissy Benson
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Thursday, 5 April 2012

image for Bank of America Joins Forces with Astrology.web to Introduce Automatic Fortune Teller Machine
The new Automatic Fortune Teller Machine combines modern-day financial technology with the age-old power of the stars.

Bank of America, in partnership with Astrology.web, recently announced its latest initiative: the Automatic Fortune Teller Machine, which combines modern-day financial technology with age-old astrological principles. Millions of AFTMs will become available for use by Bank of America customers within the next month.

"It's practically sacrilege to say this in my business," stated Bank of America President/CEO, Brian Moynihan, "but money really isn't everything. When people visit an ATM, they're often looking for answers beyond their account balances. The AFTM will give them those answers."

Moynihan, who's lately been the target of some negative press regarding a number of unfortunate professional mishaps including forgetting his bank's Personal Identification Number, noted that it will be easy for people to remember their AFTM PINs, as the PIN will comprise the customer's 4-digit date of birth date - thereby serving the dual purpose of memorability and linkage to that customer's individual astrological sign and daily horoscope.

"Even I should be able to remember that PIN," he joked.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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