Written by Johnny Jawbone

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Friday, 30 March 2012

image for Don't Do Exactly What It Says On The Tin
Untreated sheds are to become the norm this summer.

Stocks of Quick Drying Woodstain have run out after David Cameron advised the public not to paint their garden fences this weekend.

DIY stores and Homecentres across the U.K have seen an unprecedented surge in people desperate to get their hands on the common household wood stain, bringing traffic to a standstill, and a level of confusion not seen since the war.

Slight arguments between consumers are rumoured to have broken out in places such as Norwich, and Stoke-On-Trent, with Police recommending that people only buy the wood stain if they really are going to be painting their fence this weekend.

Harold, a retired RAF pilot, who lives in a twelfth apartment flat in Ealing expressed his disappointment after leaving a well known DIY store empty handed by saying "I don't even have a garden, or a fence. I don't even know why I'm here!".

An emergency meeting has been announced at the House Of Commons for early next week to sort out this nationwide mess. More news as it comes in.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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