Written by IainB
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

image for Sparks and Mensa develop the push-down bra
Katrina is a GG-Cup, and was once accidentally given as a prize in a horse race.

Large breasted women everywhere can now finally rejoice.

For a long time, women of limited cleavage have been able to buy push up bras to bring them more in line with the perceived national average. The perceived national average is two cup sizes larger than the actual national average. This has always been the case, regardless of what the actual national average is or was.

Now, those flattering dresses are also available to the over-endowed with the latest range of push-down bras.

"It has taken fifteen years of material science research to perfect the push-down bra," said product designer, Deb Youtant. "Push-up bras are a trivial matter of including padding in the right places. Push down-bras are another matter. With a push-up bra you are fighting gravity, which as every fashion designer knows, is the weakest of the forces. We've been fighting volume, the hardest of the forces to overcome."

With concealed ribbing, latex and Kevlar blended cotton and a cunning shape, the push-down bra can turn any Double-G cup into a less cushiony D-Cup.

"We've all seen those women who could hold a rack of lamb on their d├ęcolletage," said Youtant. "They can store their lunch in their cleavage. Well, with the push-down bra, they will no longer be bursting from those gypsy dresses like a frothy cappuccino in an espresso cup."

Women are flocking to Sparks and Mensa stores across the country to grab the push-down bra, and consider it as important as the concealed heel.

"My biggest problems," said busty mother of four, Mary Hinge, "are constantly looked at by gawking blokes. It's not on. They've no idea how difficult things become with huge knockers. I can't lie on my front, I can't squeeze between two parked Transit vans, and I've not seen my feet since I was twelve."

Men on the other hand, are dreading their own busty other halves talking the plunge to loose the plunge.

"I love my wife's boobies," said Graham Cracker. "She's a double-f and I can't help but give them a squeeze, even if she does slap me. Perhaps doing it in the supermarket is a bad idea?"

The push-down bra is available now in a variety of colours, lace or satin. There is a warning associated with the bras: they should not be used if the breasts sag more than two inches, as this can cause the breasts to reach a woman's knees.

Make IainB's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 1?

8 18 25 3

Go to top